In Memory of The Baby I'll Never Know

A few months ago I was told that I wouldn’t be able to have any more children. It was a shock without a doubt even though I couldn’t imagine myself with any more kids. I already have 4 but it broke my heart just hearing that I couldn’t have anymore. Then in June I was told that due to the current medications that I’m on and the stress that my disability is having on my body I was entering early menopause. Another huge shock but I dealt with it just like everything else in my life. Why cry over spilled milk? I then found out a week ago (Saturday July 31, 2010 to be exact) that I was pregnant again. I cried, I yelled, I cussed. I was hurt, scared, and angry but underneath it all I was also happy. Happy because all children are a blessing and this baby was my miracle baby. Would it be hard to raise 5 kids on my own? Of course but there was a reason why God gave me this baby. And then just like that, it was gone.