My Life In The Sunshine

Today on the internet...

2010-08-15T23:41:00.000-07:00

I was surfing the web today in an attempt to lift my spirits (I'm grieving pretty bad still) and keep myself entertained while stuck on bedrest from the surgery and found a couple new websites (well new to me) that I just had to share. I encourage everyone to check them out and promise you will not be disappointed:

Clutch Magazine: Imagine Glamour, Marie Claire or Vanity Fair in a strictly digital format, add black people and you'll have the digital magazine Clutch. I came across the site through one of the links on NecoleBitchie.com and it is a new fav. The magazine pulls from other sites for some of the articles and I don't agree with all the points made by the authors (particularly the story on Dr. Laura and the use of the n-word) but the site is beautiful and it does make you think. The site is beautifully designed and very professional looking. It's not a blog so don't expect multiple posts every day but there is a new issue every Monday. I think you all will really enjoy.

Very Smart Brothas: All I can say is wow... I'm truly in love with this site. The posts are hilarious yet thought invoking, the comments are intelligent but funny with commenters who are able to debate, joke around and have fun while being respectful and smart. Even if the posts sucked (which they don't) it would be worth a visit to the site just for the comment section alone, which was a great read as well as a breath of fresh air compared to other sites where you have constant bickering, bad grammar, filthy language and middle school type comments. Have you ever read those articles on CNN with the lists? Usually it's a topic like 10 ways to tell if he's really into you, well this site is full of those lists but they are written by one of two black men, socially conscious and actually funny. Great, great, great site. It's also beautifully designed with no pop ups to slow down loading (huge peeve of mine). Seriously go check it out and tell me how you like it.

That Black Girl Site: A pretty cool blog that covers everything from celebrities, to photo galleries, to politics and world affairs. Definitely worth the time to check out. Plus it's nice to see positivity on any blog but especially a black one. This last week in the blogosphere disgusted me with the amount of negativity coming from the media and people commenting on blogs alike. It's bad enough that whites continue to bash our people it's even more disheartening when it comes from our own smdh.

What About Our Daughters: There is so much more to life than gossip and entertainment and this site focuses on highlighting injustices towards black women, building solutions to promote and encourage growth amongst us. I would suggest everyone check it out for themselves although they do not post during the month of August (odd to me but there is a reason given on the site).

Bourgie Adventure: All I can say is I like. This is a random blog of random topics on the bloggers mind. Very interesting, insightful and creative. The blogger is based out of New York so it gives a perspective outside of the typical Atlanta based black gossip blogs. Try it out and see how you like.

Prior to today, I only visited 2 blogs on a regular basis outside of the usual news and entertainment sites like CNN, People, Eonline, and my local news sites but I'm so glad that I stepped outside of my internet browsing box and happened across the sites mentioned above. I've been hesitant on adding a blog roll (mainly because what's the point when you only visit 2 sites lol) but I'm working on creating one now as I continue to format the site. If you know of any sites that I should visit and include please let me know in the comment section so that I can look them up and possibly add them

Ending racism in this country begins with us

2010-08-14T23:42:00.000-07:00

I didn’t intend to write on the Dr. Laura comments or the Fantasia situation but I was reading articles on both tonight and I realized that the issues actually tie into each other. The problem isn’t Fantasia’s supposed adultery and honestly Dr. Laura’s ignorant comments are just a small part of a bigger problem. Race relations in this country has created this environment in which double standards are law, racists no longer have to hide behind sheets and torches, and our people prefer to sit back in peaceful ignorance versus make the changes necessary in order to fight and win against racism. CNN analyst Roland Martin, wrote a great commentary on this yesterday and his points really made me think. He said "I fundamentally believe we can get people to see their racial bigotry or insensitive views and offer them a pathway towards healing, but that can only happen when we're willing to challenge one another -- friend or foe -- and look into the mirror and confront our own deeply embedded views on race". In my opinion, that doesn't just mean pointing the finger every time someone of another race says the n-word, refers to us as monkeys, stereotypes blacks as criminals, uneducated and you know all the rest. It means pointing the finger at ourselves as well and most importantly first.

Dr. Laura and countless other bigots all say the same thing when confronted, “they call themselves niggers so why can’t I?” Unfortunately, they have a point. I mean honestly take a look, a long hard look, at the public image being put out there about our people by our public figures. Most of these male rappers and singers are walking around in one of two ways (or a mixture of both). They have their pants dragging, asses out, grills in their mouths, tattoos covering most of their bodies, or they have on skinny jeans and feminine accessories. Almost every rapper has his own liquor endorsement and clothing line, they’re getting chased by the IRS but still bragging about what they have, going to jail on a regular basis, most can not speak properly, can’t say a sentence without at least one cuss word, having babies by woman after woman but won’t get married and I could continue to go on but I’m sure you get the point. Then you have the women, who are almost all half dressed, chasing after their men, and covered in body art. Most of the women who are artists aren’t making music right now, so most of the time we’re reading about their lives not their work and most are living the type of lives that we would beat our daughters for even considering living. This is what people around the world are seeing when they look at blacks in America unless they are looking at the athletes who are doing the same thing just substitute liquor for shoe endorsement. Our working actors are few and far in between and with the exception of the President, many of our political figures (outside of good ol Rev. Al and Rev. Jesse) are invisible to the youth, which is backwards because now our children (some not all) are growing up idolizing rappers, singers and athletes vs politicians, doctors and educators. Look at the reality shows that we continue to support despite the way they make our people look (Flavor of Love anyone? For the Love of New York? Love of Ray J? Basketball Wives? Housewives of Atlanta?) We keep watching and they keep producing and creating new ones. But I won’t watch these shows because I know I have to take a stand even if I’m the only one taking it. Honestly though, how can we truly expect people to respect us when we aren’t even respecting ourselves and our communities? I know what it feels like to be called a nigger, I’ve felt that pain a few times and because of that, it’s a bad word in my house. I admit that I sometimes fall short and it slips out but I’m making an honest effort. We all need to make that same effort, we need to all stop using that word. Why? Because then the next time an ignorant person decides to use that word they won’t be able to back it up with that bs excuse anymore. We need to start carrying ourselves as a people who are proud of where we came from, proud of what we have accomplished, proud of our looks, proud of our beauty and determined to continue pushing further. We need to stop dressing and acting like animals killing each other on the streets. We need to stop degrading our women and our men. We need to start dressing for success and not look like we’re ready to go work in a circus. I’m not saying suits and ties everywhere but at least pull your pants up. We need to continue to encourage and instill education in our children. We as adults need to set good examples so that our children can be and do better.

Sitting back and only getting upset when blatant issues such as the Dr. Laura situation come up will not solve our problems nor will it end the deeply rooted racism embedded in our society. We need to start with ourselves. Respect yourself and others will respect you as well. Stand up for our people when they are attacked by the mainstream media vs kicking them while they are down and refusing to allow them to rise back up. I was so pissed off this week following the Fantasia story for the simple fact, that wrong or not, that isn’t my call and it’s not for me to judge BUT my point is, why did this become breaking news? This story is no different than probably a thousand other stories that occur every day in the United States, especially in the entertainment business. When Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got together did the entire news media across the country label Angelina a homewrecker, blast her all over the press, put her story on a show with various analysts and discuss it as if it were a national Amber alert situation or a recent terrorist threat (if you are familiar with Nancy Grace you will know that she typically sticks to child abduction, murder and crime cases not entertainment news)? Did this occur with LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Ciprian? Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott? Anne Heche and that guy she left her husband for? NO!! They all received mention during the short entertainment sections but not to the extreme that Fantasia received by any means. What is the difference in these cases? Fantasia is a dark brown skin black woman. Kanye West was blacklisted within the industry, everyone from celebrities to the President had something to say regarding Taylor Swift-gate as if the man had just robbed a bank instead of interrupted an acceptance speech. Isaiah Washington called his coworker a faggot on set during an argument. The story was leaked out, his coworker was forced to out himself and Isaiah has not worked since. He was wrong for using the language that he used, this much is true, but fire him from his job don't end his career, while Mel Gibson hasn't even issued an apology for his latest rant in which he used the word nigger but when he went on his anti-Semitic fit, that apology was issued immediately. These are just a few examples but the point I'm trying to make is that we allow the news media and others to do this to our celebs. Every one of the black celebrities I've mentioned has received major setbacks to their career, their livelihood (or in the case of Fantasia very likely will) yet the white artists haven't received any severe repercussions. Why aren't we standing up for them? Why are the black blogs and news sites participating in the witch hunt? Why isn't anyone else asking these questions? Chris Brown's career will probably never recover, for a year he was more hated than Bush, yet Charlie Sheen has beaten how many women? We allow them to blacklist and attack our celebs, and we do nothing but sit back and watch sometimes participating. We justify it by saying well we can't do what they do, true, but that doesn't make it right. Black people will probably still support Mel Gibson when he does another movie, but Isaiah won't have that opportunity again. An apology works when coming from them, but it doesn't hold the same weight coming from one of ours but that's okay with us, right? It must be because no one is doing anything about it.

People say all the time, don't piss off the Jews, don't piss off the gay community, well when are we going to start standing up for ourselves like those groups of minorities so that people say don't piss the black community off. We need to stop shrugging things off and accepting them for the way things are. We need to stop only becoming outraged when it's a person using the n-word. We need to start boycotting companies, advertisers, stations and programs that disrespect our people just like every other group of minorities in this country does. We need to stop being so quick to forgive and start fighting back and then maybe people will think twice before they casually throw racist jabs, stereotypes, double standards and ignorance our way BUT none of this will be effective until we start examining ourselves and watching what we say, do and how we carry ourselves. Educate our children so that they know who we are as a people, how far we have come and how far we still have to go. Teach them to respect themselves and how to carry themselves so they can make something of themselves. Stop perpetuating the very stereotypes we complain about. Stop using the very word that has held us back for all these years and causes so much pain and anger whenever it is said. Then the racists will lose their biggest excuses for their behavior, they won't be able to say well they say it why can't I, then maybe they'll think twice BEFORE saying or doing something offensive, and take us seriously when we march, campaign, protest and fight for our rights. Ending racism in this country is not going to happen until WE stop pointing fingers, crying and complaining and start standing up for our people and our rights, demanding respect from them and each other, not waiting for someone else to speak up and call it an atrocity. We need to support each other and stop letting them divide us like they’ve done for hundreds of years. We need to STOP supporting them sending a strong message to these people, their advertisers and employers that we will not accept disrespect and racism in any form and we will not be appeased by a simple apology anymore. We need to hold them to the same standards that they hold us to. We need to stand together and strong or this will never change and 10 years from now we will still be having the same discussion on race.

You have got to be kidding me....

2010-08-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading an article in the August 2010 issue of Marie Claire titled Single Girl Seeks Sugar Daddy. I was hoping that they would have it on their website so that I would be able to link directly to the article but they didn't. All I can say after reading this though is wow…

I really don’t want to give this chick too much shine, so I’m not mentioning her name, because clearly something is wrong with her mentally and from the tone of the article you can tell that Amanda Robb (the reporter interviewing her) realizes that she’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket as well. She left a job as a psychologist in Australia at the request of her married boyfriend because he wanted a full time mistress. When that went south (shockingly) she found herself living above her means, unmotivated and heartbroken so instead of doing what any other strong woman would have done (mainly go back to work using that degree that couldn’t have been easy to obtain and making a personal pact to stay away from married men) she puts an ad online seeking a sugar daddy at the rate of $1000 per week. Today, she’s finished living the life of a well paid mistress and has written a book chronicling her life as the equivalent of a high class hooker. The article consists of her rationalizing this lifestyle and talking as if she has something over us regular women who choose not to sell our vaginas for a handbag and rent money.
Here’s an excerpt from the interview:

“MC: You’re an educated professional. How do you rationalize this lifestyle?
HH: We all sell ourselves – whether it’s our bodies, our brawn, or our minds. Selling a quality product is empowering when you get a lot of customers. And I had offers from dozens of men.

MC: But how is it any different from being a prostitute?
HH: Maybe I’m a sex worker, but by that definition, then so are women who only stay with their husbands for the weekly allowance. And at least I got to choose my buyers.

MC: You had four sugar daddies in half a year. If you’re selling yourself as a commodity¸ wasn’t it depressing to be “returned” so often?
HH: I didn’t take it personally. They just wanted to spoil themselves with me, and spoiling isn’t something people do for too long. If you have a treat all the time, it stops being a treat”

When did it become okay to refer to yourself as a piece of property? There’s no difference between what she’s doing and what women on the corner are doing. The only difference is that she is of the warped belief that this is the only way she can avoid being hurt and maintain an advantage over men. Her exact words when questioned on this are:

"Men are geared to be sexual creatures. If we force them to be monogamous, we’re not using their biology to our best advantage, and we’re going to be vulnerable. But negotiate with a man and it makes you powerful. If he goes to a strip club, maybe you get a new handbag or frock. It’s about working with nature rather than against it.”

When the reporter questioned her on this saying (obviously) that women can buy their own handbags and suggesting thoughts like these hold us back as women she responds with,

“What’s retro is how we demonize selling sex. Why, why is selling one’s vagina so very bad? It’s so screwed up. Besides, my handbags are worth more to me than a lay”

Really? Wth? The sad thing is I know women who think this way and I know mother’s who have passed this way of thinking on to their daughters. Personally, it makes me sick. My vagina is not now nor has it ever been for sale and it’s worth waaaaaaayyy more to me than any handbag on Earth. You can buy almost anything in this world but you cannot purchase self respect and self worth. When she hits middle age she’s going to hit a rude awakening because she will no longer be able to profit off her body this way. And by putting these thoughts out there in magazines, the internet and in her memoir no self respecting man is going to want to marry her, so I hope her book sells enough to support her in old age or that she is at least putting up some of the money these guys are paying her so that she has a retirement fund because very soon she’s going to have to wake up from this dream she is in. What happens to some women that they feel this is normal and is acceptable to pass on to the next generation? Why would you put a price on yourself? I couldn't put a price on myself if I wanted to because I value myself so much that no one walking this earth could ever afford the price I would set so those that I choose to share myself and my time with should be extremely grateful that I bestowed that priveledge upon them. That’s how high all women should value themselves. This woman is a clear product of how a dysfunctional childhood home can affect a person’s mindset way into adulthood. She isn’t a young woman, she was 35 years old when she placed the sugar daddy classified ad, she’s a psychologist, and she should know better but this only serves as an example of what can happen when you put material possessions as the head of your life. There are women who will read this article and think everything she says makes sense. There are young women who will now go out and buy her book using it as the guideline for their own lives. She has a boyfriend with whom she practices “negotiated infidelity”. All that means is they are swingers but that is a whole other topic and this has gone on long enough.

The bottom line is that it doesn’t take rocket science or a degree in psychology to see that this isn’t the story of a woman empowered by her sexuality that has the upper hand on men and therefore should be looked up to. Based off what I’ve read in this article (I won’t be reading the book) this is the story of a woman who watched her father cheat constantly, who saw her mother hurt and torn but staying with this man, who opened her heart to a married man and gave up everything she’d worked for to be with him only to have him drop her once he grew bored, who sold her body out of a place of despair thinking this was the only way for her to get what she wanted out of men without having her heart broken, who then found a man who was attracted to her insecurities and used them to convince her that he was going to cheat regardless so that by allowing him the freedom to do so and basically pimp her out to other cheating men she could have her cake and eat it too and whom unfortunately is now passing her insecurities and shortcomings on to the next generation as evidenced by the following passage:

“MC: You are close to your young nieces. Do you consider yourself a decent role model for them?
HH: Yes! Teenage girls need to realize that nature makes young men under the influence of testosterone for the first time unscrupulous. If we continue to fight this future generation’s marriages are going to fail just as ours have”

She actually believes that marriages fail because women expect monogamy. And she actually believes that by passing this on she’s helping. Here’s my final question… when are we going to stop giving women like this the time of day? When will the media stop promoting these women? When will they stop getting publishing deals? I mean look at the world around us. Open marriages are getting press because of the celebrities currently involved, you have shows like Basketball Wives and Real Housewives where women aren’t even married but calling themselves wives and most are in it for the money, you have people like Superhead and the Tiger Woods harem promoting the groupie lifestyle and now you have this woman’s book. I’m sorry but enough is enough. I’m tired of seeing and reading about stuff like this and I’m scared of the world my daughters will inherit thanks to women like this. And this woman is a doctor. She could technically start treating people’s emotional problems at any time and spreading this stupidity from a medical perspective. Jesus take the wheel….. I pray that her sister or brother reads this article and keeps those young girls as far away from her as humanly possible.

****I refuse to print the title of the book or the name of the lady being interviewed because I will not give her further promotion on my blog BUT if you are interested in reading the rest of the article, you can pick up Marie Claire’s August 2010 issue which is on newsstands now, the title of the article is Single Girl Seeks Sugar Daddy by Amanda Robb.

In Memory of The Baby I'll Never Know

2010-08-06T23:44:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I was told that I wouldn’t be able to have any more children. It was a shock without a doubt even though I couldn’t imagine myself with any more kids. I already have 4 but it broke my heart just hearing that I couldn’t have anymore. Then in June I was told that due to the current medications that I’m on and the stress that my disability is having on my body I was entering early menopause. Another huge shock but I dealt with it just like everything else in my life. Why cry over spilled milk? I then found out a week ago (Saturday July 31, 2010 to be exact) that I was pregnant again. I cried, I yelled, I cussed. I was hurt, scared, and angry but underneath it all I was also happy. Happy because all children are a blessing and this baby was my miracle baby. Would it be hard to raise 5 kids on my own? Of course but there was a reason why God gave me this baby. And then just like that, it was gone.

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to carry another child. With the amount and types of medications that I am on there was a chance the baby, if it survived, would be born with serious complications. Plus the pressure of carrying a child on my already fragile back could leave me at best in the hospital on bed rest and at the worst permanently paralyzed. But I don’t believe in abortion except when necessary to save the mother’s life and my life wouldn’t be in jeopardy. My boyfriend didn’t want to take the risk at all. The one family member that I did tell told me I’d be a fool to have the baby so I didn’t tell anyone else but my twitter fam (a group of great women who have been so supportive but whom I’ve never even met). I tried to escape all of what's going on this week by staying on the blogs and trying to fill my head with mindless nonsense but that didn't work out because my presence, words and who knows what offended other people. My mom and friends complained that I was distant and had an attitude, right now they aren't speaking to me at all. Funny thing is, you never know what someone is going through. I saw the doctor on Wednesday and learned that the baby appeared to be healthy and that with the exception of two medications I could continue my current regimen without worry in regards to the baby although carrying the baby would put me through hell to say the least and I thought I could deal with it. I told the dr I’d been cramping and she said that was normal for now and she referred me to a group of specialists for my back and scheduled a follow up appointment for the following week. I had my ultrasound and saw him or her (I’m going for him) and finally set my mind to the fact that I was going to have this baby. My blood pressure was high at the visit but it was one time and we attributed it to stress. Until that night when my cramping got worse. I went in for a second visit and found out that my blood pressure was still high, too high and with the early stage of the pregnancy there was no way to determine if the baby was okay and given the circumstances combined with my health, my dr decided that I could not continue with the pregnancy.

I found out I was pregnant on Saturday and by Thursday afternoon, my baby was gone. The boyfriend doesn’t understand. He can’t understand how I can be actually hurt over a baby I never knew but this was my miracle and that’s not something you just get over. Whether it was 4 days, 4 hours or 4 seconds, I had a life growing inside me, a life that would have grown into a child no different than the 4 sleeping kids lying next to me as I type this right now. That was mine¸ of my own flesh and blood, that is now gone. I would have to be completely heartless to not feel something. I have yet to tell anyone else what happened because I don’t want to answer the questions, receive the looks from the same people who couldn’t understand my hurt when I discovered I couldn’t have any more kids earlier this year (because as so many said, I have more than enough already) so I’m writing this here. So that while baby Cinco (for #5) will never be known to everyone else, it will always be there in the back of my mind as what could have been. Life goes on and everything happens for a reason, what is this reason? I have no idea but I know that I can't simply move on and forget. It's amazing how you can love someone you've never even met but I did. I fell in love with him because he was mine, because he wasn't supposed to be here, because I thought I would never feel what it's like to be pregnant again and then just like that I was. He was my last shot, I won't have another one. They will be tying my tubes next week so that another "mistake" like this can't happen but to me it's not a mistake. How can you call life a mistake? You may be wondering why I'm writing all this, well it's so that someone else knows what happened this week. I don't want him to be forgotten, just another blurb in the monotonous moving picture of life. So that someone knows that a life was created this week and now that life is gone but the memory of that life will always be here and I will never ever forget. He deserves that much, I never got to hold his little hands or see his little face but I loved it, if no one else did. It’s only fitting that my birthday is tomorrow yet he (or she) never got to see his. There are those who will read this and say I'm over reacting and maybe I am, maybe I'm too sensitive or should grow a tougher skin but that's easier said than done and my heart hurts for my child that I wasn't able to have.

Thank You

2010-08-03T19:01:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all who've read the blog and commented or have just read without commenting. My life has gone a little crazy in the last couple weeks and I haven't been able to focus but I truly appreciate everyone for your support and encouragement and I will have a new post soon (as in tonight). Thank you everyone again and I will talk to you soon

What's wrong with the music industry?

2010-07-08T03:28:00.000-07:00

There is clearly something going on in the music industry and it’s not good. I remember coming up in the early 90’s and music was highly sexual, gangsta rap was in its heyday and they were mostly real thugs with a record deal but you know what? The music was good. My iPod has more songs from the late 80’s – late 90’s than anything else. Not to mention the old school music. I’m a music industry baby, my mother was in the business, my father was in the business, and my uncle had connections within the industry. I came up on Stevie Wonder, Earth, Wind and Fire, Rufus and Chaka Khan, Al Green, all of Motown, Patti Labelle, Deniece Williams, Prince, Michael Jackson, New Edition, Boyz II Men, Mary J, Snoop and Dr. Dre, NWA, Biggie, Nas, Duran Duran, Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers, No Doubt not to mention all the gospel acts because my grandmother was a pastor and that’s just off the top of my head tired as hell at 3:30 a.m. It would be an understatement to say I have a broad taste when it comes to music, my playlists are very eclectic and stretch many different musical spectrums but one thing they all had in common was TALENT. Nowadays, that’s almost unheard of. It seems like anyone can get a record deal, the radio will play anything, and videos are practically soft core porn and the industry more than ever is an anything goes type of business. And the effect of what’s going on is clearly being seen in the youth today yet no one is doing anything about it. Honestly, I think that’s why the illuminati rumors are running so rampant right now because people are trying to make sense of this nonsense so they readily believe the rumors of an all powerful secret organization running the world through the world’s top power figures all in an ultimate plot that will culminate in the New World Order. My belief?
My beliefs are in God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He has already outlined how the end will come in the book of Revelations so I’m not buying into this illuminati nonsense on YouTube if for nothing else than the fact that the conspiracy theorists are pulling from too many different sources to come up with their conspiracies. I will say that you can’t believe in God without believing in Satan and evil. It’s out there, unfortunately and he is working to bring down as many souls as possible before God takes back this world from him. And he is definitely working through the industry. The fact that these music videos are showing clearly demonic symbolism (which honestly has been done for so many years but is now so blatant), those artists who have been accused of “devil worshipping” and being a part of the “illuminati” the most are throwing caution to the wind, spitting in the faces of everyone who believes in the Lord God by so called being “sarcastic” by putting these images in the videos, the fact that you can’t get a record deal and a successful hit record unless you agree to be half naked in your videos, selling sex on stage and over the airwaves, the male artists are dressing like straight fools, in female accessories, tattoos covering their entire bodies, including their faces, clothes hanging off their back or on the flip side in clothes so tight they’ve gotta have yeast growing in their draws, and if you don’t have a gimmick or aren’t made of plastic you just can’t make it. So yes, something is definitely going on and I don’t like it at all. Take an artist like Rihanna, with a dead look permanently in her eyes, zero talent, and atrocious stage costumes yet she is America’s sweetheart and one of the top stars in the country? How is that possible? But artists like Jazmine Sullivan, Chrisette Michelle, Jennifer Hudson, Fantasia and others with TALENT have to fight for record sales and to keep their record deals. Is it because they’re fighting the industry standards of becoming a plastic gimmick, getting naked and selling sex? Or is it because they haven’t sold their souls? I’m going to be honest, I don’t follow rap like I used to in my younger days but rappers like Jay Z, Gucci Mane, Rick Rozay (dumbest name ever), Souljah Boy, Diddy, Wacka Flacka (okay that’s the dumbest name ever, Officer Ricky is 2nd), TI can commit crimes, disrespect women in their personal lives and in their music, disrespect and disregard their children, dress like they belong on the short bus yet they are applauded because they’re rich, keep up with the trends and do a little community service? Is the service they are providing to the community greater than the harm that they are doing to the community through their past crimes and current glorification of the criminal life? Does the fact that they pay thousands and millions in child support outweigh the fact that their children likely see them every couple months and are watching these “men” and idolizing them as children naturally do to their parents and will likely grow up to be just like them? Wacka Flacka’s mother is the one who actually put him in the business, he’s been out for maybe a year, two years tops and has been shot at least twice and you only hear his name when it’s involved in some kind of nonsense. What mother puts her child at risk in that way just to make him (and her as his manager) rich? Who puts their own flesh and blood in the line of fire? So I don’t care what anyone says, something is definitely going on in the music industry right now, it may not be the illuminati as everyone lately is so quick to accuse, but there is a definite, deliberate effort to promote garbage at the expense of our children, our communities, our culture and our world. And if something doesn’t change soon, then it will only get worse. I went to a barbecue on the 4th of July and there was a dance competition with about 15 kids on stage dancing to all the popular songs out today. Not the radio friendly, clean versions (which aren’t clean) but the album versions and these kids were shaking it up like they were in the club while the parent’s cheered them on (my kids asked to join and all it took was a look from me and they sat their butts down immediately) but the sad thing is this is what’s being promoted in our communities. These rappers with football and basketball leagues, what are they teaching the kids that they are coaching? If they tell them to live life differently than them while they are still promoting the streets than these kids see them as hypocrites and won’t take them seriously. But if they continue their hood and thug image in front of the youth they are supposed to be leading than we have more young black men and women growing up to think that the streets is the only way that they can make it. We the consumers have to take a stand against this nonsense or it will never ever change. I for one don’t support any of it and I do my best to shelter my children from the filth that is being promoted to children now but I am only one person. Our communities, parents and leaders need to become united and demand a change or else whatever has a hold of the music industry, be it the illuminate, the devil or just plain old greed and indifference will continue to take its hold on our children and they will be doomed and this world really will come to an end soon. If you want to support these artists as an adult, that’s your choice but at least take a stand to prevent the children and teens growing up in this day and age from being exposed to it because they don’t have the same ability to differentiate entertainment from reality, they don’t realize that these guys rapping about shooting, dealing and thugging are actually living in multimillion dollar homes, sending their children to private schools and are far removed from the hood which they so proudly rep in their music. What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments.

When regular everyday blog comments go psycho

2010-07-08T01:08:00.000-07:00

I have a love/hate relationship with the web and blogs (I’ll get into that in a future post to come this week). Anyway, the last month or so while cruising my favorite blogs several majorly disturbing things have really bothered me. Mainly because they are just irresponsible, wrong and distasteful but also because it’s the type of behavior you would assume children would be doing when in actuality, these are full grown adults behaving in a way that is absolutely loony. This is a venting post and I should warn that it’s a long one, bordering on an essay. If you have an aversion to reading, you may want to stop here. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, lol

One of the main problem that the internet has caused is a sense of comfortableness with complete strangers due to an unfounded belief that when you are online you are completely anonymous and therefore do not need to be responsible or considerate in what you post. As parents, we train our children from their first internet log in the do’s and don’ts of releasing info online: don’t give out your name, address, phone number to strangers, don’t trust anything or anyone online, don’t say anything online that you would not want anyone to know, don’t post pictures or videos that you wouldn’t want anyone to see and so on. You would assume that adults would automatically know these things, right? Wrong!!!

I’m not gonna lie, I entered social networking late in the game but now I have a facebook that I use daily to communicate with friends, family and old classmates/coworkers and a twitter page that I use mostly to follow various news and blog sites and celebrities that I’m interested in, and recently to communicate with people that I’ve met on some of my favorite blogs and have conversed enough in the comment sections with that I feel comfortable holding convos with outside of the blogosphere. I’ve made sure that both pages are private and am selective with who I accept as friends or followers. Neither page contains contact information outside of my public email address which in no way can be linked to my home address/phone/etc. I’ve taken these precautions because I’m intelligent enough to know the do’s and don’ts of what to post online. Until recently I was one of those who assumed that all adults with at least minimal brain function understood these things but I discovered that I’m wrong.

As I said in my last post (which by the way sorry for the slow updates, I’m also writing a book lol) I only frequent two sites and in both sites I’ve noticed some common things that unfortunately shouldn’t be common amongst anyone let alone adults, not to mention the facebook statuses/comments or tweets from celebs that I take major issue with for their vulgarity, tmi, ghetto-ness (it’s a word today) and just plain stupidity. There’s no way I’m the only one who has noticed these things so I’ve composed a list of some of the major faux paus:

1. Grown women (and men) openly commenting on celebs and openly saying that they will screw this one and that one. They’ll do this guy/girl no matter who he’s with and so on… Come on now people, we’re all adults and in most cases are all somewhat sexually active or have been in the past, but there is a way to say you are attracted to someone without coming off as a sex crazed lunatic. Not to mention, lets say you’re attracted to 10 celebs and on every post on one of those celebs, you say how you would bang him if you had the chance, and you’re saying all this under the same user name. Do you have any idea how that makes you look to people on the outside looking in? It makes you look like a promiscuous skank. I’m sorry but it’s true. Have respect for yourself be it in person with people you know or online. Things that you could say at the bar with your homegirls is one thing, they know you and know that you’re playing around, but online people will take what you say as verbatim and either way it looks horrible. What really bugs me is that while white blogs have their issues (racist crazy comments mainly) almost every black blog I have ever visited seems to be filled with these types of comments from a disturbingly large number of commenter’s. It makes it look like black women (and men) are nothing more than sex crazed creatures and we are so much more than that.

2. Grammar and spelling is a major peeve of mine and I admit, we all make typos here and there, but one of the biggest problems that I attribute to the current atmosphere of texting for everything and everybody and constant electronic communication is the fact that so many people have come to typing as they speak or using shorthand (lol, , gr8, I luv u, r u cumming over, etc) in regular conversation or online when commenting, come on people. If you have completed high school there is no reason to type like this, period, really no reason to speak like this in everyday face to face conversation (and yes I have heard and seen it done too many times to count) and it needs to stop because it is absolutely horrid to see in comment after comment after comment. It makes you look like an illiterate teenager and it makes it difficult for those of us who are used to reading actual words and sentences to understand what point you are trying to make.

3. PERSONAL INFO!!!!! I’m not gonna name which blog it is, but I’ve noticed on one that lately everyone is posting photos of themselves or their children as their gravatar, you know what, cool. No problem with that, if it’s your choice, me personally, I have tons of photos of myself and my children on my fb page and several on my twitter, but these are private pages and I’ve personally selected who can view these and see these things, however, I will not post a photo of myself and especially not my kids on a public blog where I cannot control nor do I know who is viewing these photos, right clicking and saving these photos on their pc’s or phones to use for God knows what without my knowledge or permission. If that’s your choice, again that’s fine BUT be careful what you post next to your picture or your child’s picture. The new thing on my fav site is for a certain group of women and men to discuss graphically, I’m talking hard core porn, Zane novel, Beverly hillbillies type familial relationships comments right next to a picture of their kids or themselves. That’s just irresponsible. I talk about my life on blog sites, I do. I’ve experienced sexual abuse, domestic violence, I speak about my children, my current health problems and I’m open about it. I’ve ragged on my share of celebs (not to the extremes of some and mostly about fashion sense or talent) but none of that is information that could harm or hurt me or anyone else if someone were to figure out that it is me posting. This group is talking about things that some people wouldn’t even discuss with their closest group of friends, which has caused three things to happen as a result. For one, it has alienated the regular readers who are not interested in clicking on say for an example a post on Usher’s new shoes and hearing about the best ways to go through with anal sex. Many regular readers have stopped commenting on the board and are lurking, reading the posts and then using other mediums to discuss them such as twitter, fb, or email. If anyone dares comment and say something about it, then they get defensive and say well don’t look but that’s neither fair for those who want to use the post for the medium it was designed for nor is it practical because they have ZERO control over who is reading what they are putting out there on the web for all of eternity (because nothing on the web is ever truly deleted). Now for those who don’t know, employers and potential employers are able to do online searches based upon your email address and pull up anything that you do under that email address. Meaning if you put out information about screwing, doing drugs, slacking off at work, etc it can be traced back to you, it’s been done in the past to many high profile employees as well as many regular everyday employees and if you have your picture up that is added evidence against you. Not to mention if you are posting from your work computer, everything you type is forever stored in your employer’s internet files, waiting for the day that someone discovers them and hands you a pink slip. And in the most unfortunate but sadly possible turn of event¸ if you are discussing sex next to a photo of your beautiful child, some pervo could be reading, getting turned on all while staring at your precious baby. If you are discussing doing drugs, even something as silly to most as marijuana, and you have your photograph up or your child’s and someone recognizes either of you¸ guess what? You could be reported to CPS and lose your child over that. Things like that are in the news ALL the time and happen even more than they are reported, especially in the black community, where we all know that unfortunately if it’s not a huge crime the media just doesn’t care.

4. This is my final point, respect. Have respect for other people and if you can’t respect other’s at least respect yourself. Sure, chances are the people you are conversing with online are strangers or maybe they aren’t strangers and they are people you know on facebook or twitter, but guess what everyone does not want to know the details about your sex life. Especially not the gory details. Nor does everyone want to know about your drug use and things of that nature. Maybe these people have no impact on your life whatsoever, and therefore, you feel that their opinion does not matter to you, but guess what… you never know who you will come across as you continue to age, grow and live your life. There’s an old saying, something like be careful who you step on, on your way up because those will be the same people you pass on your way back down. The web connects people from all walks of life, all communities, cities, states and countries. Of all races, in all occupations and of all different morals, religions and codes of ethics. Just as you would respect someone standing right in front of your face, respect those on the other side of the computer screen. If you have to have a conversation about something that may be one of those things that everyone shouldn’t know, exchange email addresses, if you’re unsure about that, create a free email address under a pseudonym with a fake location and chat there. But be careful with the things you say especially when there are clear traces to your private identity and just in general. Consider other’s feeling just as you want them to consider yours. If you don’t want people in your business, guess what don’t put it out there, most learn that in high school. If you don’t want people to hold a certain opinion or judgment of you then don’t put things out there around people who have no other way to base an opinion of you.

All in all, like we tell children all the time, be careful what you put online because it can come back to haunt you. And the same way that almost all have been taught from preschool, treat others as you would like to be treated. If you want to be respected than respect others, including their beliefs, personal choices, backgrounds, etc and don’t post things on a public forum with no advisory warning that could easily offend and turn people away. Act like an adult with the knowledge, sense and ability to make mature decisions in life even when you are online, no matter how anonymous you think that it is.

About this blog

2010-07-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Several months ago, I was on NecoleBitchie.com commenting on a post about Jay Z, Beyonce and Trey Songz recent trip to the White House where they tweeted photos of themselves in a conference room. Rarely does Necole do posts with politics involved and I was surprised that I had a pretty good, respectful and healthy debate with several other posters. Generally on most black entertainment blogs, the comment section is filled with hard to read, ignorant comments which generally showcase the lack of education, lack of caring or interest in public affairs, lack of common sense and other problems facing too many in the black community which is why I only frequent two blogs and only comment regularly on one (Sandrarose.com).While Sandra takes a lot of heat from many in the industry for her posts and opinions of people, I fell in love with her site because of her regular commentors. They are able to discuss practically any subject in an intelligent thoughtful manner and while there are those who prefer to simply drag people and be nasty, the others more than make up for it in my eyes. I also enjoy Sandra's site because while she is an entertainment blogger, she posts regularly on politics, problems within the black community, crime and racial issues as well as entertainment so her site is pretty well rounded. This is what I am hoping to accomplish although I wont be posting on celebrities for gossip purposes often. I love gossip, don't get me wrong, but I was looking for a place where I could debate and converse with others in the black community nationwide regarding my opinion on what's going on in the world today. I searched and could not find a blog that had exactly what I was looking for and if you have ever read the comment sections on CNN, MSNBC, most news sites and especially Fox News you will find that those comment sections are filled with racist comments, especially since the election of Obama and you must have very thick skin in order to comment regularly on those sites. Since I couldn't find what I was craving and I have extra time on my hands, I decided to create my own. Taking what I like the best from my two favorite sites I give you this blog. I hope to maintain the positivity and honesty of Necoles postings with the positive things I mentioned earlier about Sandra's site. I should warn you however that everything I post is simply my opinion. Please respect it and others opinions as I will do to you. Also please have a little patience with me, as this is my first time blogging and the site is still a work in progress.

Thanks for visiting the site. My first real posting should be up shortly